My brother, Mark, plays out of the Muttontown Country Club on Long Island. On January 13, of 2007, he and I set out on a journey that would result in him playing as an amateur golfer in the Bob Hope Pro-Am Dessert Classic in Palm Springs. Mark had never played in a golf tournament, let alone one that includes celebrities, professional golfers, press coverage and a national television audience.

I accompanied Mark for a number of reasons: I wanted him to have a fan club: Mark’s birthday is January 19th and we could celebrate it together; and as a publisher/reporter of a sport psychologist magazine, Psyched (www.psychedonline.com) as well as a writer of a column, “Ask Dr. Schienberg”, for Golfing Magazine, I would be able to do some reporting, interviewing and write this story.

A stretch limousine picked us up in Manhattan and we headed towards LaGuardia Airport. In the stretch limo we had our golf bags, suitcases, carry-on pieces and my lap-top computer. It was surreal….like the pro-golfer and his entourage going about their normal lives. We began a trip that had very little to do with life as we new it. We stared out the window, chatted about nothing, and arrived at the airport. We had first class seats on the flights to Chicago and from Chicago to Palm Springs. If you’re going to play with the pros, it is good to get into their experience. Mark needed to believe that he rightfully belonged in the Tournament.

We arrived at our hotel late that afternoon, unpacked, decided to have a quiet dinner at the hotel and try to get some sleep before the first practice round set for the next morning. We didn’t talk about golf that night. Mark didn’t think he would get much sleep. I suggested that if he just got to rest through the night and quiet himself, it would work in his favor. Facing Mark was three days of practice rounds and four rounds of actual tournament play. Each Tournament round would be played on a different golf course: The PGA West, Bermuda Dunes, LaQuinta, and The Classic. The three practice rounds were to be played on there of the courses of the Tournament.

This is a good time to explain how the scoring of this Pro-Am Tournament is constructed. There are three amateurs in each group. The fourth player is a professional. Each group has three amateurs – a high, middle and low handicap player. The three amateurs play together throughout the Tournament rounds and form a team. A different professional is added to the amateur team for each Tournament round.

The first day of practice rounds came and the weather was cool and cloudless. Mark was scheduled to start his first practice round at 9:30 AM. So, we showered, got into our costumes around 7:30 AM, loaded our SUV with his golf bag and got some breakfast at our hotel. We talked about the weather, the beautiful, mountainous surroundings and the opportunity to participate in something so unique. After paying the check, we walked down to the practice driving range next to the course. Mark wanted to find his caddie. As soon as Mark spotted him, I realized that a part of my job was over. It was like turning my responsibility for my younger brother over to someone I could trust. He was in good hands.

I turned my attention to my job as a member of the press covering the event. So, I drove over to the Classic Golf Club, the home of most media activity for the Tournament, got registered and made some good contacts.

Mark and I met up later that day. There was a smile on his face as he exited the golf course. The first practice round was over and he was relieved that he had done as well as he had – not to mention not having embarrassed himself. We talked about the other amateurs that made up his group. Mark had entered the Classic with an 18 handicap. That day he played as well as any of the other amateurs who had lower handicaps. So, he was pleased…very pleased. I was relieved for him.

For your information, in order to be entered as an amateur in the Tournament, you have to have no higher than an eighteen handicap and pay a $5000 entry fee. Mark’s company put up the fee as a gift for his hard work.

The second day was different from the first practice round day. He was much more nervous – the real Tournament was closer. He said, “I want to do well. Yesterday, I just wanted respectability and I got it. Now my team will be expecting the same from me.” The next practice round day went not as well for Mark. The final three holes of the last practice round went very poorly. He was critical of himself. When he gets into that negative mind set, he becomes short with people. The real Tournament was getting closer and closer. The weather had turned nasty and the weather forecast was getting worse. He was in many ways more settled in to the rhythm of a golf day.

His play on the third practice round was somewhere between the first and second day. The bond between Mark the two other amateurs in the group had taken hold. They felt like a team – not just three individual amateurs trying to do their best. The scoring for the team was based on best score for each hole by any of the players in the group. The weight of stress and responsibility was shared by each member. So, they routed for each other. As I watched them walk down the fairways, I could see more smiles, chatter and friendship having a positive effect on their enjoyment and play.

It didn’t seem like a great atmosphere for golf would be present on the first day of real tournament play. But, one of the great things about golf, whether you are an amateur or professional, is that it is played by everyone in the same conditions. No one gets an advantage. The high winds and low temperatures were so uncomfortable at the end of the second round; I hid inside the clubhouse and had myself a hot tea instead of a beer.

An encounter with my new friend Kathleen Bennett (the marketing director of the Classic Club golf tournament) broke the tightness that Mark had fallen into on the first day of Tournament play. It was an hour before his tee off time. She knew the various holes of the Classic Course. So, she started going over them in rapid fire fashion, all the holes and how they could cause different problems…a water hazard here, narrow fairway there…pin placement somewhere else.

You could see the expression on his face changing with every problem that she was laying out for him. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Sure,” he replied. I quickly escorted Mark out to the practice range and turned Mark over to his caddie again. This was good for Mark – to get the round underway by swinging the club on the range and practicing his putting.

So, I went back to the clubhouse to have a cup of coffee. Out of no where Mark appears in the golf shop. I rushed over and asked him, “What’s wrong?” He forgot his belt and needed to buy one. After choosing one, he went out to the driving range again. I went back to my coffee. He ran back into the clubhouse again. What now? He forgot his favorite shoes in the golf shop when he was buying the belt. Thank goodness they were sitting next to the cash register where he put them down while paying for the belt…so much for not being nervous. I wondered what he would have forgotten if he knew he knew he was nervous.

Mark’s practice session at the driving range went very well. He hit some great drives and started to focus mostly on his irons. I went over to the first tee and waited for my brother’s name to be called. It was a half hour later that I heard “On the first tee, representing the Muttontown Country Club from Long Island, New York is Mark Schienberg.” I recognized the name and my eyes shot over to the tee. There was Mark teeing up his drive. I remembered Mark telling me, “I just hope I hit it.”

I may have been more nervous for him than he was for himself. I lapsed into prayer. He hit the ball very well and we both smiled at each other as he headed down the first fairway. I would find out after the round was over that it was Mark’s best drive of the day. It was his iron shots that got him through the round in great stead. Often you don’t know which clubs will be working for you through a round of golf.

The four days of Tournament play was officially underway. He was now going through the real experience. This was very good. By the time this is all over he will know he has been through a significant life event – one he will not be able to forget. He will have learned a lot about himself, golf, playing in a tournament, etc. He is learning to trust in himself – in a way that really matters – by knowing himself under a new circumstance. Don’t short change the situation or yourself by denying the experience of it. It’s a great metaphor for life.

Playing six rounds in six consecutive days, practicing before and after each round and getting good night sleeps between rounds was not easy and often resulted in physical exhaustion. However, what was more difficult was the mental exhaustion. If you are a professional golfer, you may be used to this kind of grind. But, if you are an amateur golfer, you may have never experienced this degree and length of mental focus. As an amateur you may play four rounds in a week at most. There is a need to take some mental and physical time off. But, you can’t – not the way this tournament is set up – day after day – round after round – the focus required is constant – weathering the ups and downs – maintaining focus regardless how the conditions are and how others are playing, etc. Learning how to manage the prolonged mental stress is vital. It is important to take time to practice relaxation techniques as much as you practicing the physical skills of playing golf.

At the end of the third day of tournament play, Mark had transformed himself into a person who walked and talked like a man who belonged in a tournament of this magnitude. I had to leave Palm Springs one day before the end of the last day of play. It was upsetting to not see him finish. But, there were no flights on Sunday and only one flight was available on Saturday. I had to be back in New York and be at my other work by Monday. I was assured that Mark would do fine on the last day even though he was still muttering “I will not do this again.”

Mark’s team of amateur players had been assigned four different professional golfers to play with – a different pro for each day of play. Kirk Triplett filled out the four some on the first day. Wearing a great hat and a big smile, he was as friendly and helpful as any amateur could wish to partner up with. He gave pointers, patted guys on the back and made Mark feel as relaxed as possible. It was great that Triplett was the first pro. In the second round, the amateur group played with Briny Baird. Other than for also wearing a sombrero, he in no way was like Kirk. Briny just played his game with almost no interaction with his amateur playing partners. He wasn’t nasty – just not social – all business.

So, the three amateurs again felt that they were the team. The third and fourth days brought Cameron Beckman and Kevin Sutherland to the group. They were very much like Baird. They were there to win a Tournament and make some dough – not create new friends. Therefore, the last three rounds were not as much fun. It became a more serious experience and the focus was on doing the work of playing in a golf tournament as a team of amateurs, playing against other amateur teams. This was more like the real deal of playing in a professional golf tournament. There was much the guys learned from that as with Kirk – just different learning.

By the way his team had scored 29 under par for the Tournament. They were not far from the winning the trophy for the best amateur team. Very respectable! He had played the same courses with the likes of Phil Michelson, Jeff Sluman, Justin Rose, etc., and held his own. Good for you Mark!!!

When Mark and I met up two days later, his tune had changed. He confessed that “I will do the Tournament again next year.” It was not hard to imagine that when he got back to the Muttontown Country Club on Long Island, he would be striding down the course with a pride that he hadn’t had before. It was great to have shared the ride with him. It brought us even closer than we had experienced before. He was thankful that I had been there and I was happy that he let me share it with him.

Answer by Paul Schienberg, PhD: Well yes. Here is a thought. Trust your clubs! Somewhere inside your neurological system may exist a belief that unless you swing hard, muscle your shots, swing with a lot of club speed through the ball, you will not get the results you fantasize about. Most of us played baseball as a kid…swung the bat from our heels, as hard as we could and watched the baseball fly over the fence. Or, maybe we watched golf on TV and began to believe that swinging like Tiger Woods would get us his results. I’m suggesting that instead of your body working so hard, let the clubs do the work for you. They were designed by people who know how to build a club that would get the ball where it was intended to go. Try the following mantra: let my club take my ball where I want it to go. Whether it is a driver, long or short iron, or sand-wedge, they are designed correctly. Don’t try to make it happen. Be easy with it. Feel the flow of your body and arms – not the speed of their movements. When we don’t trust our clubs, we put too much effort into our swing. It is the appreciation of the ability already built into those clubs that will make it work. The smooth, tender and sensitive relationship to each club that lets them work as they are designed to work. By the way, it is interesting to watch some women play on the same golf course. They are less likely to fall into the mistake of over-swinging. They don’t think of killing the ball, but they often let their club do the job it was built to do. Do not worry. Your mind is attached to your body. It needs to send a belief message to your body that creates a harmonious relationship – not an over-powering one.

Sport Psychologist

May 25, 2007

Question: I was a member of a private golf club on Long Island. Due to personal reasons, I could not renew my membership and now play on public courses. I face a number of issues now while playing golf that has affected my performance. Firstly, there are longer waits between shots. Secondly, I used electric golf carts to get around the public courses. Now, I pull a golf cart. I get more fatigued by the twelfth hole. And finally, I’m playing with people I don’t know. Do you have any suggestions regarding these issues?

Answer: I certainly don’t mean to meddle in your personal affairs. Your question has the “sound” of someone who has taken a shot to the circumstances of life as well as your ego. I will not play armchair psychologist and get into your very personal matters. Often setbacks in one part of our life can have rippling effects on other aspects.

It’s difficult to not take things personally – like “why me?” I want you to hear the answer to this question as helpful. It is, “Why not you?” It happens at one time or another to all of us. Now, I’m sorry to say it is your turn. If you can turn your negative thoughts about public courses into thoughts of positive opportunity, you will enjoy your game again. So, here goes.

There is some pride that comes along with golfers noting, “I play at the (blank) Country Club.” What’s not to like about driving up to a beautiful building, having a valet greet you by your name, and park your car in “your spot.” Then you walk into the country club building, down to the locker room, your shined golf shoes are sitting under your locker, and so on. Your golf bag is set up by the practice tees. I won’t go on. You got the idea. You were living that golf life. Now you are living a different golf life – the public links. I do understand that changes, especially negative ones, can create negative thoughts that will affect all aspects of your game. It will take some adjusting to the new rituals of playing at public links.

You know many important golfers began playing golf on public links. Tiger Woods’ father got his start on a course in Brooklyn…that’s where he got the bug and passed it on to his son. There have also been many important golf tournaments that have been played on public courses – Bethpage most recently. I have been on some very beautiful public golf courses that have great amenities.

Think about this: Who are the people who play on public courses? Those golfers who will do anything to play the game – get up at 5:30 AM on a weekend morning, put their names on a list, slug down coffee to wake up, clean and shine their own clubs, etc. These people love the game and sacrifice a lot to play it. I’m not trying to say the golfers who are members of country clubs don’t love the game. But, they are often drawn as much by the accoutrements of the Country Club as the game. Maybe you can look at the public course players you will meet on the course as purists.

Instead of missing the electric cart, you can focus on the opportunity to walk a course. You are strolling the course (yes, I remember, pulling the cart). You can learn more about how to play that particular course because you will see more of the course. Phil Michelson walks the course when he’s in a tournament. He gets a birds eye view of the type of grass, rolling hills, etc. You will be treating the entire course as you walked the greens at the Country Club.

It helps keep you in better physical condition. Instead of having a large meal right before and/or after you play at the Club, you will actually experience the exercise benefits of having walked about 8,000 yards. By the way, if you are pulling a cart, remember to switch arms.

The better your physical condition, the better you will play.

Again there are often longer waits between shots on public courses. It is true that the rhythm of the game changes when there are long waits. It is very important not to get aggravated. I would do some stretching exercises, practice swings, talk to the fellow golfers (not about the delay), etc.

I hope these ideas make this transition a better one for you and you experience the changes as a gain.

Technorati Profile

What is the real story? It is that he was contacted by the Yankee general manager at Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox. What was he doing there? He was thinking of doing his resurrection up there. Also, he was considering his most holy appearance in Houston. So, why did he choose the Bronx to perform this miracle? How does $28,000,000 sound as a very good explanation.

I’m certainly a respectful appreciator of the achievements of Roger Clemens. He has been a magnificent pitcher and deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. But, this latest stunt has cast a darker shadow on his image. He said his good byes and everyone wished him well. He already road into the sunset as a pitcher. Everyone cried their tears. Now he wants baseball fans to be so excited about his return.

As a child I wanted to trust my heroes. When they said something I listened. I looked to them for a moment of truth about how to conduct myself as a man. Say it ain’t so, Roger. When Mattingly said his good byes, he came back as a coach. This was a model for what life is about and how to deal with the existential realities of life. This helps children deal with the stages of development.

When Roger announced that he couldn’t resist rejoining his pals to save the team and give the fans another championship he is disingenuous. His ego could not be so large as his behavior indicates or could it be? Does he really see himself as a savior? He owes his ex-teammates and fans a more honest expression of motivation. What does this do to the morale of a team? What does it do to the kids who have been Roger Clemens fans? I am suggesting Roger is only serving Roger, not his team, his fans or baseball itself.

by Paul Schienberg, PhD

Schienberg: Golf can play an enormous part in children’s development and personality development. What role has it played in your life?

Lopez: You know I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my temperament. I never got that advice from a human being or from anyone in my family. I hit lemons in the backyard as a kid. I had Christmas and played golf for the first time in 1981. I have not put a golf club down since. It is the tissue that keeps my body connected and I don’t ever imagine living without playing.

Schienberg: Did it turn something about you around?

Lopez: Oh yeah, everything we play when we are growing up, is team related. In this game (of golf) you can find all the answers yourself. You don’t need to throw the ball in the air and play catch with yourself. You get a bucket of balls and go out there with your clubs, and you hit and learn and you get better. And there’s no top. You can be as good and continue to get better and the reward is in every swing. There’s a possible reward in every swing.

Schienberg: There’s a new chance?

Lopez: There’s a new chance! Exactly! And that’s why I’ve gotten very involved with promoting the “First Tee.” The “First Tee” was not around when I was growing up.

Those core values were everything I learned from playing golf. And if the kids learn it at a better age, maybe one or two will ever be professional golfers, but they will become better people. And that’s what golf teaches that no other sport does teach as well.

Schienberg: And it clearly did that for you?

Lopez: Absolutely! I am living and breathing proof. Great temperament! I am a Taurus. I was a hot head as a kid. And that’s all gone. Whether I’m playing good or bad you can never tell because I’m always happy.

Schienberg: You can never be a hot head and play great golf?

Lopez: You can, man! It’s like life. You got to see where the trouble is in every shot and you look at it the course and the shots as a series of challenges.

Schienberg: And how to meet and fix the challenges of life tasks? And that’s how you got here!

Lopez: And I love it! And I wouldn’t have achieved so much if I had not started to play golf. I’m playing man. I’m playing. Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me.

Schienberg: What do you think of the demographics of golf?

Lopez: We got more people from diverse backgrounds that are younger than ever coming to watch golfers play and play themselves.

At The 2007 Bob Hope Pro-Am Dessert Classic

Jesper Parnevik hit an extremely large number of golf balls with one club. He was clearly trying to work out something that he didn’t like in the morning practice round. Jesper looked frustrated with each shot, even though from this amateur golfer’s point of view, they seemed to be flying beautifully. At some point, Jeff Sluman, who was practicing at the next driving range tee, came over to where Parnevik was swinging. They talked and laughed. It seemed to break the ice surrounding Jesper’s head. Parnevik loosened up as the two men were gabbing. It was evident that there was a long standing camaraderie between them.

I got an opportunity to ask Jeff Sluman about the interaction between him and Jesper. “Did you give him some needed advice?” Sluman shook his head and said, “No. You can’t talk to Jesper about his game. He won’t listen. I just get him to relax by making him laugh. You see, his father was a comedian and he loves to laugh. It takes the pressure off of his game and he plays better. I’ve known him a long time and I see when he’s getting twisted up.”

Schienberg: “Yes, I can see you are good friends. While I’ve got you, I’d like to ask you about the mental aspects of your game?

Jeff Sluman: Sure. Give it a shot. I’m not a deep thinker.

Schienberg: How have you changed emotionally while playing golf?

Jeff Sluman: I’m a much more relaxed player today. It’s become my personality. I had been a fiery guy when I was young. I’d get frustrated; loose my cool and my stroke. Now, I concentrate on being calm. It does not take any effort now to remain tranquil even when things don’t go so right on the course. It just didn’t help my game nor did I like being that person who lost control and got so upset.

Schienberg: What do you think about re-doing golf swings?

Jeff Sluman: I don’t think it is a great idea to do major changes in a golf swing. Every player has the swing that fits his makeup – both physically and mentally. A tweak here or there is one thing, but it is more likely to create bigger problems if large changes are undertaken. I’ve known more players to get injured and screw their brains around when they change their swing so much. If things are not going well for me, it usually means that I’m not following my pre-shot routine – even if I think I am. So, I become more diligent about it.

Schienberg: Tiger’s not here. How does it affect you?

Sluman: Not very much.

Schienberg: Let me put it differently. What’s it like to play with Tiger?

Sluman: Well, let me put it this way. Tiger is focusing on Tiger. He’s not interested in what you are doing. He is totally focused on himself and his play. I try to do the same thing, but it is very different with him in my pairing. It is almost impossible to ignore what he is doing. In part, it is his personality, charm, complete composure and ability to make remarkable shots. It’s like you just feel compelled to be a spectator even though you are playing the game

At the 2007 Bob Hope Pro-Am Dessert Classic Golf Tournament

Phil was asked about his somewhat erratic play after the loss at Wingfoot. Did he think about the loss at the Open? Was it driving him to distraction? Phil said he didn’t think about the loss at Wingfoot until after the entire season of golf had been completed. His erratic play was not in any way related to being upset at the loss. In fact, he said there were two majors where he played at a level that was okay with him. Although he didn’t win in either tournament, he played well enough to be satisfied with his play. His tone of voice and facial expression were less convincing. He said that the biggest problem he has had over the past two years was being terribly out of condition. In fact, Phil does look like he has lost a considerable amount of weight. He sees his game improving from now on because he has become so dedicated to getting and staying in much better shape. He felt that when he wasn’t in shape it was more difficult to get the head of the club to be square with the direction he wanted the ball to go.

Phil shared his thoughts about the new square driver. He exclaimed that the square driver is a great way to go if you want to hit the ball long and straight. If, on the other hand, you like to hit a fade or a cut drive, stay with the round headed driver. Some holes are made for a straight drive and others are calling for movement on the drive. This is why he has carried both the square headed and round headed drivers in his bag.

He also touched on Michelle Wie. Phil noted how impressed he is by her maturity. He appreciates her decision to go to college at Stanford and not go out for the professional money. She is sixteen years old and Phil hopes that his daughters make the same kind of mature decision that Ms. Wie made.

When asked about his approach to playing the Tournament, Phil focused on needing to get very low scores. He sees that there are many birdies to be had, the holes are not long, the greens are easily reachable and so there will be many opportunities to make under par putts. If he is not in a position to make those putts for low scores, and he doesn’t sink them, it is unlikely that he will come close to winning. The emphasis needs to be on putting, not driving.

Phil found the Bob Hope Pro-Am Dessert Classic to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. The pro-golfers had to play 3 practice rounds and 5 tournament rounds – four of the five rounds were played with three amateurs. The final round of the tournament was played with professional golfers only. This was the first tournament of the season and he didn’t feel mentally equipped to handle it. He complained about the weather conditions as well. The conditions were awful. Southern California had been having very cold temperatures. It even snowed in Malibu. There were two days of cold drizzle, and two days of high winds out of the dessert. Phil was drained by the intense focus it took to play each shot. During the final round, Phil hit three balls in the water. So, there were at least three factors that he sighted for his mental exhaustion: the weather, playing with amateurs and the requirement of so many rounds of golf in consecutive days at the beginning of the golf season.