An article (“How Insults Spur Success”)  from The New York Times’ Jobs Section,  page 9,  October 16, 2011, as told by  Peggy Payne and written by  Patricia R. Olsen, shared a story that is relevant to all of us, and more specifically, athletes.

A quote from the article is a good place to begin.

“At 62, I’m still stewing over not being chosen to attend the Governor’s School of North Carolina when I was 16. It is true that many good things have happened in my life: a happy marriage, a few books published, fulfilling years in journalism and freelance editing. But the fact remains that at age 16, I was not among those selected to spend six weeks in 1965 at the Governor’s School, a renowned summer camp for brainy teenagers. And silly as it may seem, this rejection has helped my career. That’s because there’s nothing like a little ’I'll show ’em’  to incite ambition. Many people cherish their motivational insults…The one’s that got away, never quite go away, and that’s not such a bad thing.”

I remember a story about Michael Jordon. He got cut from his high school basketball team. And the world knows what happened to his career as a basketball player. Roy Campanella, a catcher for the Brooklyn Dodgers, wanted to play a different position. But, a team early in his career, said they needed a catcher and he took the position. He took this negative experience and became a Hall of Famer. There are many stories like that in sports. What the old saying, Whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Boxers may lose a round or a match, but they need to look at the next one and let the disappointment spur them on to get off the stool and try again. They do this by saying things to themselves that are motivating – just like Ms. Payne did.

Dear Psyched:

My son plays football at [major university] and has a bowl game on New Year’s eve. Because of this he is going to be away from us during the holidays. It got me to thinking that it must be tough for athletes who have to travel to be away from their families for extended periods of time. Is there anything that I can do to make it easier on him?

Thanks for your help. Keep up the great work.

James

TO: XXXXXX@verizon.com
FROM: questions@psychedonline.org
SUBJECT: Re: Travel
DATE: 12/23/02, 08:32

Response: The family must be so excited about having your son playing in a bowl game on New Year’s Eve. I can imagine that you are having a mixture of feelings. On the one hand, you wish he was with you. On the other hand, you will love watching him on television living out his dream. It might help to keep in mind that your son is with his second family. He has his “teammates/brothers” around him. His “parents” for that night will be his coaches. He will be focused on them and the goal of winning. He will not be lonely. But, he could become distracted if he gets the sense that his family is suffering in his absence. This is the hard part of being a parent – to keep your missing him feelings in check – to just let him know that you are with him in spirit as he does his growing up activities. Of course, you would want to let him know you are happy and will be glued to the television. Whether he wins or loses, make a plan to get together. It is tough to watch other people take over the role of the family members he’s known all his life. Remember no one can truly take your place. When he knows you are okay with him having the new “family”, he will carry you with him.

Paul Schienberg, Ph.D.