Further exploring specific problems and resolutions designed to get athletes and coaches on the same frequency.

This article will address more communication blocks that can interfere with inner personal blocks (player in player and coach in coach) and interpersonal blocks (player to coach, player to player and coach to player) understandings and athletic performance. Please re-read The Basics in “Communication Blocks: I & II”, volume 3, Issue 7 and volume 4, Issue 1 before reading the list in this article (www.psychedonline.org/Article/Vol4Issue2/CommunicationBlocks.htm).

15. A coach/player can send a “Be spontaneous!” paradox. This occurs when one person requests or demands something from another person that can only be given spontaneously – like trust, interest, acceptance, appreciation, desire, and respect. Should the second person try to comply, the first person may then say – “You’re just doing that because I asked you to, not because you really mean it.”
    The solution to this block is mutual knowledge of this concept, mutual communication awareness and the second person asserting something like “You’re asking me to give you something that has to be spontaneous” and both people digging down to illuminate the underlying relationship needs that are causing this situation.
16. Generalizing can muffle or distort the current message and prevent effective problem solving. “You’re always insensitive and inconsiderate!” will probably be received differently than “I’m mad and frustrated because you’re 40 minutes late and I missed my team bus!” You always…”or “You never…” are deadly because they imply the receiver is 1 – down (disrespected) and invite him or her to feel guilty and defensive about many past events as well as the present one. Normal responses to this block are to flee, tune out, and/or counterattack (vs. listen empathetically and problem-solve).
17. Preaching, moralizing, or advising someone with a problem (I’m just trying to help!”) can erode relationships if the “struggler” just needs to vent (be respectfully heard and accepted). These reactions in the receiver promote dependency, helplessness, and imply” I’m 1-up – I know how to fix your problem and, you don’t.” Sometimes this is true!Me/You
18. Players and coaches not knowing the difference between win-win problem-solving and common (ineffective) alternatives like fighting, arguing, threatening, avoiding, blaming, explaining, preaching, moralizing, monologing, hinting, whining, numbing out, defocusing, enduring, imposing, submitting, pretending and assuming. When any of these occur try asking “Are we problem -solving now, or something else?
19. Sarcastic, critical (vs. affectionate) name-calling erodes the receiver’s self-esteem and the odds for cooperative problem solving. “You’re stupid, lazy, spacey, nuts, weird, hopeless, a jerk ……..”etc. hurts! The non verbal version of this block is a player’s/coach’s look that conveys massive disapproval. Whose needs get met?
20. Physical or emotional withdrawal is a powerful communication that may imply “You scare or overwhelm me”. In resolving this communication block, respectfully explore if the sender is unconsciously doing something that triggers withdrawal.
21. Threats or demands suggest “My current needs are more important than yours!” They provoke hurt resentment, defiance, and everyone feeling badly about themselves and/or the exchange. The receiver has to use assertive metatalk when this happens – “I feel you’re making a demand (or a threat) now. When you do that, I feel resentful, anxious, and combative. I need you to make your point another way.”

This article will address more communication blocks that can interfere with inner personal blocks (player in player and coach in coach) and interpersonal blocks (player to coach, player to player and coach to player) understandings and athletic performance. Please re-read The Basics in “Communication Blocks: I”, volume 3, Issue 7 before reading the list in this article (http://www.psychedonline.org/Articles/Vol3Iss7/CommunicationBlocks.htm).

Seven More Common Internal and Interpersonal Communication Blocks

8. The athlete or coach is not clear what he really needs from the communication process.

9. One of the two parties is not aware of using vague thinking and terms as well as “hand grenade” terms and phrases. Also, they are unaware of their options to use respectful hearing checks to confirm what they are decoding the other’s meaning accurately.

10. The player and coach may deny or minimize their true feelings to themselves and to the other person. The receiver of a message, for example, may feel they should be interested, but he is in fact bored or couldn’t care less. This, of course, adds to a sense of distrust. Young people are more apt to pick up these “self-lies” than older people who are habituated to them.

11. Complete withholding of emotions from communications – intentionally or subconsciously – can leave the listener unsure of the full meaning of the message from the speaker. The player may interpret this as “You don’t trust me,” or “You are hiding something bad.” This can result in anxiety and distrust. This communication block creates a lack of connectedness – not being on the same page.

12. Focusing “too often” on the past or the future can result in lack of confrontation and resolutions to problems in the present. A unique case is the reaction a coach imagines an event so vividly that she reacts to her player in the present as if the event has already occurred (“I know you’ll be late for practice again.”) This is sign of false-self dominance.

13. Compulsively focusing on one’s Self or steadily deflecting from one’s Self will result in unbalanced and “shallow” communication. At worst, an athlete or coach may increasingly feel used and discounted or “disconnected” and resentful, and develop “impaired hearing.” Awareness and respectful assertion may change this.

14. A player/coach is unaware of the true needs under conflicting surface needs. For example, a player says, “Coach, I want to talk with you” (surface need) may really mean “I need to be reassured that you still want me to be on the team, because it seems like you don’t look at me in the dugout.” Awareness, clear thinking, patient digging down, assertion and empathic listening help unearth semi-conscious current true needs. “Old “issues” keep resurfacing and/or causing strong feelings because the true needs beneath them haven’t been clearly acknowledged and filled.

Summary

Parts III and IV of this series will add to the list of communication blocks. If you have examples of communication blocks that have occurred in your athletic or coaching career, please send them to us. We will pass them onto our readers along with their positive resolutions.

If a group of any kind is to function, its members must be able to communicate easily and efficiently. In successful teams, coaches and athletes talk openly about interpersonal and task-related issues that affect them directly. Interpersonal conflict is often the result of misunderstanding and miscommunication of feelings. Learning how to express oneself in a constructive manner and communicate effectively is an important initial step in preventing and solving problems. Part II will review one framework to examine communication processes in athletic teams.

Coach-Team Cmmunications

Athletes unite behind common goals, so it is important to get athletes to think in terms of the philosophy, operating procedures, and values that govern the team. Similar attitudes and beliefs, shared ideals and covenants to live by are also required. It is very important to obtain consensus and commitment from the team. It can be helpful to get input from the team members regarding the achievement of team cohesiveness.

To achieve these goals, a coach may find the following principles useful:

1. Impart relevant information regarding the team rules, expectations, operating procedures and goals the group is striving to achieve. In addition, clarification of the team’s mission, strategies and action plans to reach goals, and involve staff and athletes in decisions that effect them directly are critical issues.
2. Inspire athletes to reach for their best by communicating with a sense of enthusiasm, honesty, sincerity, pride and team spirit.
3. Set up a goal-setting program, monitor progress, give athletes feedback, and challenge everyone to become better.
4. Reinforce behaviors that you want the athletes to repeat and correct mistakes in a positive manner.

Coach-Athlete Communications

Coaches should take the time to get to know their athletes as unique goal-oriented individuals and find out what their strengths, interests, and needs are. It is important to inform athletes about what is expected.

Another area coaches should address with team members is communication at the competition site. Recognize differences in how individuals prepare and respond to competition. For example, some athletes might like to be left alone; others appreciate a word of encouragement. The same idea holds true for post-competition feedback.

Athletes need feedback as to where they stand and how they are progressing in relation to individual and team goals. Not providing effective feedback can lead to a decrease in motivation and performance instability.

Many athletes seek out their coach to talk about things outside of sport that may be affecting their lives and self-esteem. Some of these issues might be transition and adjustment concerns, homesickness, relationship struggles, and academic matriculation. It is important for the lines of communication be open, trusting and safe.

Some athletes may not feel confident approaching a coach if they do not respect or trust him/her. If the athlete thinks there is a hidden agenda, or not really interested, he may not be able to walk through the coach’s door. Instead of honesty, the athlete will tend, in these cases, to give the coach what he thinks the coach wants to hear.

Sometimes situations arise during the course of a season that can cause communication problems (losing, poor performance, lack of playing time, personality clash and injury). The coach can be perceived as being insensitive, unappreciative, unapproachable or uninterested. The athlete may need some help coming to the coach in an assertive manner.

Here are some helpful hints to improving coach-athlete communications: each person has had different life experiences; use a communication style that is comfortable to you; notice that different people interpret the same message differently; never underestimate the power of positive feedback; be a good role model; emotional control is critical; strive for empathic communications.

Athlete-Athlete Communications

It is important that athletes show each other concern and respect both on and off the field. Some of the best teams seem to take special time to be together – creating bonding together feeling. Athletic teams are very much like families. Tension, frustration and conflict are inevitable. Roommate problems (incompatibility, intolerance, general needs not being met), interpersonal jealousies within the team, dating problems and freshman adjustment issues will surface. Underneath these issues are misunderstandings, insensitivities, a sense of betrayal, distrust and athletes feeling not heard by teammates.

When the team is made up of people from different racial, ethnic, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds, intercultural communication styles may cause misunderstandings. Often mistakes are made when athletes from varied histories think they understand what is going on in another’s mind with speaking (mind reading). Sub-grouping on a team can create dissention, reduction in cohesion and performance.

Summary

Communication is a multifaceted process that includes transmission or exchange of thoughts, ideas, feelings or information through both verbal and non-verbal means. Mutual sharing and understanding is necessary. The foundation of good communication is trust and mutual respect. Open communication channels can go a long way to solving most organization problems.