December 18^th, 2005

Soskind: In order to be able to perform well you have to have control of your mind and be able to control all the outside emotions you have in life. One of the things we are fighting most on our team and in classes.
Schienberg: Give me an example of what you do about these emotions.
Soskind: I had the players write down what their fears were. The lack of performance had to do with their fears.
Schienberg: Like what?
Soskind: The way their peers will see them, fear of failure, not knowing what to do. A lot of the guys we are playing against are not afraid. They are more street savvy than our kids are. We are a public school but take top academic students. We’ve lost most of our games – if not all.

Schienberg: Do you have to find out what each kid is afraid of?
Soskind: I’m trying to talk a lot. A lot of kids don’t want to go there – coaches – teachers. Why am I not talking with other kids on the team? It’s like a taboo factor. I talk about the death of my dad and how it affected me. I talk about everyone having fears.

Schienberg: Does the fear show itself as fear or does it show itself as another emotion?
Soskind: It usually never shows itself as fear. It is masked with defensiveness, pouting, anger at times. Our communication is much better. At the end of the day it is not wins and losses and building young men.

Scjoemberg: It must be hard because in this society, winning is almost everything.The media drives it.
Soskind: I’m an educator first. At the high school level it is about education – educating student athletes. The hard part is that coaches get fired. The coach is on the chopping block. The reality is when I’m winning we have good players. When we are losing we don’t have good players. This is especially true in the private high schools.

Schienberg: How much is mental in basketball?
Soskind: Guys when they are physical believe they don’t have to use their minds. When are on the court and under pressure and the other team is running plays at you, you have to recognize it and execute something it. Players fall back on things they do well. A player who likes to dribble will start dribbling immediately in pressure. Like if he is being pressured by three of the other team, will dribble into the trap. I find it interesting that no matter how many times they practice doing something different, they will revert to what they are most comfortable with. This is a big problem here. By the time they get into high school, they are already seasoned. Skills have to transfer into game situations.

Schienberg: You get new kids all the time. How do you keep creating a team concept?
Soskind: It’s everything. There is a selection process. Is the kid a team player or a solo player? I know how the kids will fit in. You can teach a kid how to play. It is harder to find a captain. I don’t like everyone the same, but I will treat you the same. A captain will not ask you to be the captain. Lead by example. Criticize a player on the team if needed. Pick a leader over the skills. Everyone on the team should be able to be the captain of the team. Get bench players to be a coach on the team. If a student does not do his assignment for gym, then he will lose playing time. We are about education. I’m the Athletic Director and Coach of the boy’s basketball team. I want them to repeat what makes them successful. They can’t repeat it.

Schienberg: Is there a coach that is your hero or you emulate?
Soskind: In games I am too much like Bobby Knight. This is something I’m trying to work on. I’m too outwardly vocal. Student athletes are not receptive to up-in-your-face style. Coach K is one of my favorite coaches – his whole assistant staff is his past players. Dean Smith. I feel bad he wasn’t able to control his emotions. But, he never lied. He gets caught up. I’ve got frustrated and hit the table. It’s not that they miss a shot. Does the player put themselves in position to win. There is a block there that keeps them from moving forward. I want the players to share in my intensity. You need to adapt to who your players are.

Schienberg: What kind of problems do you get into with the kids?
Soskind: I don’t get into personal issues even though they carry much with them – broken homes, death, drugs.

Schienberg: What about parents at games?
Soskind: Parents don’t take enough interest in the kids. Parent involvement in the City school systems is much less than suburban schools. I would welcome them being involved. Then there is the over involved parent in the suburbs.

Howard Soskind is the Athletic Director, Boys Varsity Basketball Coach, Physical Education Teacher, and Girls’ Varsity Volleyball Coach for Baruch College Campus High School. He has an MS in Exercise Science and Rehabilitation and will be getting his MSED this year.

I had the good fortune of running into Jimi Petulla. He has created a film called “Reversal” with the help of Alan Vint (director). They have combined their talents to produce a story, based on real life, about a father (acted by Jimi Petulla) and son (acted by Danny Mousetis) caught up in the trials and tribulations of competitive wrestling. The father makes sacrifices to help his son get out of a small industrial town by trying to get him a college scholarship. The son is drawn into the endless cycle of training and weight control. When he reaches seventeen, he must make a choice to live his own life or let his father live through him. The acting is superb and the dynamics important for all parents, sons, teachers, and coaches who are involved in competitive athletics. The movie is available on VCR and DVD through Jimi Petulla. Drop Psyched a note and we will connect you with Jimi so that you can have a copy of your own.

Jeffrey Torborg was born in Plainfield, New Jersey on November 26, 1941. He played as a catcher for 10 seasons in the major leagues for the Los Angeles Dodgers and the California Angels. Jeff caught several no-hitters, most notably Sandy Koufax’s perfect game on September 9, 1965 vs. the Chicago Cubs. He currently manages the Florida Marlins. In the past, he has managed for the Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox, New York Mets, and Montreal Expos. He met with Psyched at Fort Lauderdale Stadium during Spring Training, 2003.

Schienberg: How do you assess if a player is going to make the team?

Torborg:Don’t make an evaluation until you have to make a decision. You keep watching and watching.

Schienberg: Is there a team leader?

Torborg: There’s a bunch of guys.

Schienberg: Which guy stands out?

Torborg: The whole team … Mike Redmand, Lowell, the centerfielder, our new catcher. Leadership can come in all kinds of forms. You don’t have to be a talker to be a leader. You play with example and heart.

Schienberg: There’s a special relationship between a catcher and a pitcher. Are you looking for some chemistry between Pudge Gonzalez and the pitching staff?

Torborg: Chemistry is interactive on the whole club. Our catchers get very close. We meet every day. We have an offensive meeting with Bill Robinson. Right after that we have a meeting with the starting pitcher and the three catchers. Our three catchers are very close. We want their input constantly. It becomes an interaction between catchers’ too. Then the pitchers understand what we are trying to do. The catcher is an extension of what we are thinking in the dugout. Pudge brings a presence. The pitch selection can be over rated. But, if the pitcher believes it is the right pitch that’s the biggest part of the deal … whether it is the right call or not … if he believes it is right, he will deliver it … without being hesitant.

Schienberg: Are you still in touch with Sandy Koufax?

Torborg: Yeah, I had dinner with him the other night.

Schienberg: I will never forget that perfect game.

Torborg: Did you read the book about him?

Schienberg: Yeah, it’s a great book. What makes for a good day at spring training?

Torborg: Taking a solid crap.

Schienberg: Ah, the golden years.

Torborg: You got that straight.

Schienberg: What are you looking for when you brake camp? How do you know whether you got something really good going on with your team? Like this team … will you know whether you’re going to get off to a good start?

Torborg: We are really close to our lineup. Everyone seems like they are ready to roll. The only thing now is whether the pitching is where you want it to be. The bullpen looks good and starters are showing good stuff … AJ, Pav.

Schienberg: Do you like this team better than last year’s team?

Torborg: You know I liked that team last year … a lot. And I like this team even better than last year. We are going to miss guys that we really cared about. I like the end product and the way we play. The abilities with Pierre for example. He plays like Maury Wills. He brings speed. He makes things happen. We have as good a defensive team as there is in the league. I watched the Cardinals last year. You could see why they won. Their defense was superb even with all the tragedies they faced. They had four gold glovers and team speed. We led the league in stolen bases last year because we had to run. We don’t have to run as much as last year. We don’t strike out as much. We get productive outs. Last year we didn’t move runners up. Now guys are moving runners up. Little things like that make a difference. We take team speed and defense every day when we come to the park. The offense can be shut down that just happens … how healthy out pitching staff is (coincidentally, BJ Burnett , the best of the pitching staff, came up lame in the second inning of the game played immediately after the interview).

Schienberg: Should that rule be changed … where if the pitcher is attacked, he should be able to defend himself without fear of punishment?

Torborg: That’s a tough one. We had that happen once with the White Sox, when Jack McDowell stood on the top of the mound and met Whitten and hit him on the top of the head, and still got suspended. He took the shot. It’s a tough call. Got to go play a game now.

Schienberg: Thanks Jeff.

Last year I went to watch my cousin’s 13 year-old boy play for the championship of his soccer league. Tom’s a pretty good soccer player and I was surprised to hear him say as we drove to the field that he didn’t know if he was going to play the following year. I couldn’t believe my ears. I remembered how excited he had been when he made the team at the beginning of the season. This was Tom’s first year playing on his local select team and he had always loved the sport. All you had to do was take one look at his room filled with his youth trophies and medals, walls covered with soccer posters, and a green rug with the design of a soccer field and you just knew this. What could make him want to quit? Not surprisingly he told me that he thought that the coach was too hard on him and the other players. “It’s like we can’t do anything right,” Tom said softly. The fact that they were in the championship game was proof that they had done some things right.

Unfortunately, my nephew’s story is all too common. While the physical and emotional benefits of sports are undeniable, a significant drop out rate in youth sports has emerged. By age 12, 75% of boys and 65% of girls will quit the sport of soccer. Similar statistics exist for other organized sports as well. When children quit playing they are missing out on a valuable opportunity for physical and emotional health. Organized sports provide a forum to learn valuable life skills including goal-setting, acceptance of criticism, and team-work.

So who is to blame for this? Just like with my nephew, the suspect is all too often the coach. One study found that the top two reasons children cited for quitting organized sports were that it was no longer fun or interesting. The individual who should be held accountable for this is the coach. Many people underestimate the influence that a coach can have on child athletes. Some people have gone so far as to say that the influence of a coach is second only to that of a parent – more so in cases where a child has lost a parent or when there is marital conflict in the home.

When I asked my cousin what he thought about his son quitting the sport and the perhaps over bearing coach, he answered, “I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried to talking to the guy (coach) but it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other.” This is a fairly common problem that many parents experience – how do you deal with an emotionally abusive coach. I don’t think that there is a single parent that would allow their child to be physically abused by a coach, so emotional abuse shouldn’t be any different. What can be done to deal with an abusive coach?

Preventing the Problem

The easiest way to deal with an abusive coach is to not allow him or her from coming into contact with our children. Simply put, stop the problem before it occurs. To do this, you need to do some self-examination and research.

First and foremost, ask yourself the reasons why you want your child to play organized sports. The answer for most people will be the physical and emotional benefits of competition. However, some people live under the delusion that they have a little super-star in their home. Given the odds against making it to the professional level, it is simply not realistic to think that this will happen. If your child is indeed truly gifted, this will emerge. However, if you push too hard, you are becoming just like the emotionally abusive individuals that you are trying to protect your child from. The purpose of playing sports should be enjoyment. The instant that this is no longer true, the sport becomes a chore.

Parents need to take time and be proactive. Just like you took the time to find out what schools are best for your child, you should take the time to find out what teams – and by extension, coaches – are best. Ask your friends, neighbors, and even teachers if they’ve heard of any good coaches. Perhaps the most important thing that you can find out about the coach is their style. Don’t just go by his or her win-loss record from the previous season. Talk to them yourself and find out which of the following three styles they use:

• Command style coaches make all the decisions and the young athlete is supposed to simply respond to orders. While they are often successful in terms of winning, this type of coach tends to make their athletes want to quit because of their tendency to push too hard and to disregard input from the athletes.
• Submissive coaches make as few decisions as possible which can result in a great deal of chaos. This coaching style is often unsuccessful in terms of winning as well as retaining kids in the sport. Some kids on the team may become overly domineering and critical of others which can result in your child losing interest.
• Cooperative coaches recognize their role as the team leader but share some of the decision making with athletes. This is easily the best type of coach for your child. While they provide a great deal of structure, they do so in a healthy way.

You should ask questions about the coach’s specific expectations, such as: practice attendance, season goals, selection of team captains, and game participation by team members. If possible, ask if you can watch a practice. Watch how they interact with the players. Do they vary the drills that they use to keep kids interested? Do the kids experience more success then failure? Do they praise the athletes either verbally or non-verbally? Do they talk to all the kids or do they play favorites? The goal should be enjoyment not just winning – do they communicate this and model it as well? These are simple things that will go a long way towards figuring out what style they use and what your child’s level of enjoyment will be.

Dealing with the Problem

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child will come into contact with an individual who is abusive. This is a problem that is not going to simply go away. You need to confront it. But how? You follow the chain of command:

The first step is to speak with the coach directly. If the situation permits, speak with him informally and individually. A group of parents is more likely to put the individual on the defensive. As human beings, it is quite natural to not listen to the content of a message when we are defensive. This is particularly true when dealing with an individual who is used to being in charge. Meet with the coach after practice or a game and discuss your concerns calmly. Try not to take an accusatory tone or he may become defensive. Let him know about your own parenting style and what you have found motivates your child to persevere. Perhaps, the coach is not aware of his or her behavior. Let them know how much your son values the sport and playing on the team. Finally, give the coach a chance to change the behavior that concerns you. It may even be necessary to have a second talk. You should compliment the positive changes that the coach has made but reiterate your concerns.

If after you have spoken with the coach, the behavior does not change you need to go to his/her superior. This may be the principal or the director of the house league. Telephone the individual and state your concerns clearly and calmly. The coach may be more likely to respond to a discussion about the behaviors that are of concern from a superior. However, you should remember that these are busy people and they will appreciate your earlier attempts to resolve the problem; so be sure to mention your attempt(s) to rectify the situation informally.

Should the problem persist, it may be necessary to remove your child from the team. If this is the case, you should definitely file a formal complaint with the school or other administrative body. Unfortunately, this will do very little to help your child, but could be valuable in the future. Behavior patterns are very stable over time, and it is likely that the coach will continue with his behavior. While one complaint may not be grounds for dismissal, a repeated pattern of behavior is. It is especially important to talk to your child about why you are pulling him/her off the team and that they are not the one at fault. Put it in language that they can understand. Try using phrases like “It’s not your fault” or “You’ll do better on another team.” It’s a shame if it comes to this since he’s not responsible for the coach’s behavior. While he may resist the idea initially in the long run it will be more damaging to him to remain with an abusive individual. Finally, try to get them involved with another team. The benefits of organized sports are too numerous to allow a bad experience with a coach to keep them from competing.

Conclusion

The coaching style that an individual uses can result in either a positive or negative experience for an athlete. Unfortunately, many coaches have lost sight that the purpose of organized sports is enjoyment and effort, not just simply winning at all costs. The best way to deal with this problem is to stop it before it happens. If it does occur, you should follow the chain of command and discuss your concerns. Simply pulling your child off the team is not going to benefit anyone – especially your child. There are simply too many positive things to be gained from playing in organized sports.

If you are involved in organized youth or school sport in any capacity, you have one of two choices that you can make:

1. You may keep the current and traditional team model where children focus on sport-specific skills, with ambiguous life skill messages taught verbally, varying from team to team, or;
2. You may try to change the team model to one where children learn from a structured, written curriculum that teaches life-long, self-worth building mental skills as the focal point of the team, using sports as an educational vehicle.

The choice is yours. Just as we tell athletes, we can work hard to be better – or not. The choice is ours.

Recently, the Newton Public Schools of Newton, Massachusetts made the choice when they funded the first program in the country to implement a written sports psychology curriculum on its sports teams. At Newton North High School, (pop.2200), coaches and kids are attending a hour and a half workshop, reading a simple, straightforward text, taking a quiz on it, filling out a mid-season evaluation form and, most importantly, practicing mental skills every time the team meets. In addition, this large school is plastered with flyers declaring what the Performance Psychology Culture is at Newton North – building self-worth through the skills of hard work, creating a positive environment, proper goal-setting, visualization, meditation practices, task-orientation, recognizing harmful thoughts, positive self-talk and imagery. Most parents would opt for teaching long-lasting development for their children as the focal point of their team, if they knew there was a choice. There is.

Maybe you think that the manner in which youth and school sports is taught and learned is fine. From personal experience as a coach and watching my two kids go through the system and go on to make their college basketball teams, I know that it can be a lot of fun just as it is. However, since there is so much time spent between coach and player, shouldn’t we put the effort into improving the experience, not only for the elite athlete, but for the 95% participating who are not part of the elite?

Newton is an affluent suburb of Boston, but the program is also at Cathedral High School in downtown Boston’s South End. This small, inner-city Catholic school (pop. 300) has followed Newton’s example, despite their being so dissimilar in almost all respects, except that both Athletic Directors were thinking about how to improve the system, were presented with an opportunity to make a choice, and made the choice when they saw it was a good thing for their students. Other high schools are also poised to take the same action, pending funding to train additional facilitators. There are clearly not enough sports psychologists and psychiatrists to deal with the vast numbers of children who play organized sports nationally every year, but there is no reason why all children and coaches cannot practice very basic skills regularly for personal growth. As a bonus, their athletic performance may actually improve.

The Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association (MIAA) has adopted the program as part of their award-winning, state-wide Wellness program. Doctors, educators, athletic directors and people from all backgrounds support this creative concept. This movement is nascent, but quite healthy due the very simple logic of this educational initiative.

Why are we interested in changing the traditional verbal model of sports teams? Because it makes educational sense. The curriculum is based upon sport psychology, a body of knowledge that has grown exponentially in the last two decades. We write down our curriculums for academic subjects because what we teach kids matters. What kids learn in sports matters as well. Written curriculums provide a standardized education for each child so we know what they will be learning. If implemented, a written curriculum takes the “luck” factor out of what type of experience children will have on a team. With a written curriculum based in sport psychology, all players, starters and non-starters, are striving for personal progress and trying to re-define success in those terms. With a written curriculum, coaches will eventually conform to one of the basic tenets of sport psychology, e.g. “people perform better in a positive environment”.

The mental skills taught are simple and reflect most of the mistakes people make in sport. More importantly, they are transferable skills that mirror our community values. A sports team offers a place to practice these skills (in high school on a daily basis). As a result, the athletic program becomes an applied mental training program, using sports as a fun way to learn. Lastly, the skills support the premise that people who feel good about themselves as people, perform better in anything they do. Students are given specific exercises to improve the following self-worth building skills:

• Be positive with others because people perform better in a positive environment.
• Be positive with self as what a person thinks effects the quality of their performance.
• Work hard as it makes people feel good about themselves when they do.
• Focus and recognize when thoughts stray so our chance of success is better.
• Set proper goals that assist in attaining success daily.
• Concentrate on the details of a task, not the outcome, for better results.
• Visualize successfully completing a task to improve chances of success.
• Meditate to control your thoughts, feelings and actions.

In the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology (“Conceptualizing Excellence: Past, Present, Future” p. 140, September, 2002), authors Patricia S. Miller and Gretchen A. Kerr, offer an “Athlete-Centered Sports Model.” Advocates of this model maintain that “performance excellence is thus made possible only through personal excellence.” They continue, “performance goals are only one of a myriad of important objectives. In this way, athletes develop as athletes, but also as contributing members of society.”

There is estimated to be 29 million children nationally playing organized sports annually. Practice visualization now by seeing a day when 29 million children are growing up practicing the mental skills that make people successful. We can make the choice right now. Aren’t these skills what we want children to learn?

Mitch Lyons is a president and founder of GetPsychedSports.org,, a 501(c)(3) non-profit Massachusetts corporation, which can be found at www.getpsychedsports.org. Mr. Lyons is not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but a coach of youth, school and college sports for 17 years. He is currently an Assistant Coach for Lasell College Men’s Basketball Team in Newton, Massachusetts. He practiced law for 26 years before retiring to try to make positive change in youth and school sports.

“Dad, I want to play on the _______ team!” In today’s world, many of our children are beginning to participate in organized sports at a young age. Unfortunately, we also have many demands on our time as well. Most experts in child mental health will tell you that in order to have a good relationship with your child, you need to put in the time. If your youngster is playing sports , then you are going to have to be involved with the team. Simply dropping them off at practices and going to games is not enough. More and more of us are getting involved with coaching kids, often with very little idea of what this involves. Whether it be soccer, baseball, or football, there are some basic guidelines that new coaches need to follow.

Coaching Styles

First off, decide on your coaching style. What type of coach are you going to be? Usually a coach’s style will fall into one of three categories: command, submissive or cooperative. Command style coaches make all the decisions and the young athlete is supposed to simply respond to orders. Submissive coaches make as few decisions as possible which can result in a great deal of chaos. Cooperative coaches recognize their role as the team leader but share some of the decision making with athletes.

Next, it is important to make parents and athletes aware of your coaching style and expectations. A pre-season meeting can go a long way to establishing this and can minimize problems later. You should discuss specific expectations such as practice attendance, season goals, selection of team captains, and game participation by team members. Practical considerations including transportation, additional costs, and post game celebrations should also be addressed at this meeting to avoid confusion down the road.

Practice

Emphasize the basic skills, understanding of the rules, and elementary team tactics particular to the sport. After they do their warm-ups and stretching, introduce a new technical or playing skill simply, with well-prepared demonstrations and reinforcement. Have the kids repeat it until it becomes automatic. Using simple key words that help the youngsters remember the skill and its sequence is very helpful. Have them do the skill individually, then in pairs and finally in larger groups.

Although they will be working as a team, children respond well to being treated like individuals. Little things like using their name, greeting each one as they arrive, or noticing an improvement by a child with little athletic ability can go a long way. It is important to encourage and make them feel welcome and appreciated. Make sure to speak to each child at EVERY practice. Remember that you are a role model to these kids and how you treat them is how they will treat each other.

Always adapt to the level of your athletes. Ask yourself what is their ability level? Are they novices or do they have some experience? It is most likely that you will encounter a situation with a mix of both types. Be realistic in your expectations of these kids. One can hardly expect the same level of performance from a child who is just starting out as of another who has played for three seasons. Although practices should be challenging so that they develop their skills, they should experience more success then failure as a group. You should also try to vary the drills that you use, otherwise there is the danger of boredom setting in at which point practices become about crowd control not the sport.

All too often new coaches become overly critical. It is important to praise our young athletes for their successes. Praise can be verbal or non-verbal. A smile, nod, pat on the head, or clapping can mean as much as saying “Good job!” Remember to praise not just their athletic accomplishments but their effort and sportsmanship as well. It is also important to give specific feedback when giving this praise. What did they do well? What can they improve? They are more likely to repeat a behavior if they know what they did right. “Good job, Joe. Way to keep your eye on the ball!” You can also use this as an opportunity to correct them so that even failures can be turned into a positive learning experience. “Good try! Follow through the ball with your bat and you’ll get it the next time.” Do not create situations which allow an opportunity for a player to feel put down. Again you are acting as a role model, and how you treat them is how they will treat each other.

Develop them into a team. Give responsibilities to all individuals and involve the kids in decision making. Talk to them about how team captains will be selected and how often they will be changed. This even applies to the position that they will be playing. Almost all kids want to be the pitcher, quarterback or goalie, why not give them all a shot? Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of labeling an individual and you just might find that they have other abilities as well. Make sure that they work with different children each practice and not develop groups that exclude some individuals. Have them work towards a common goal and finish each practice so that they have some sense of accomplishment every time.

Game Days

On game day, make an effort to talk with parents and care takers. Be positive and supportive of their children and make sure to listen to their feedback. The more information you have about your players, the better they will do. This is specially important when parents see their children differently then you do. Maybe you will get a better sense of what motivates their kids.

Discuss the goals for that day and be sure that everyone on the team knows their assignment. During your pre-game pep talk, stay positive and they will too. Remember that you are a role model. The way they see you react to events on the field is going to have a significant impact on the way they react. Show them the right ways to accept winning and losing. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the all too common mistake of becoming overly competitive. Be sure that they understand that at their age the point of the sport is to do their best and try hard regardless of the end result. After all, it is supposed to be fun.

Conclusion

With more and more kids playing organized sports, parents are entering coaching roles often for the first time. The skill that is most needed by new coaches in order to nurture these young athletes is the ability to communicate – not just with the kids but with the parents as well. In youth sports the goal should be enjoyment and effort, not winning. Communicate this to all not just verbally but by modeling it as well. Emphasize the basic skills and give reinforcement for a job well done. Remember, sports provide youngsters with many physical and psychological benefits. Their first experiences will have a significant impact on their future participation.