This article is with reference to your article ‘SIBLING RISK TAKING ON THE BASE PATH’ I have worked with quite a good number of siblings who have played the same sport. Here is a very interesting and a very similar situation that you have shown in the article but with a slightly different explanation to it.

I was working with a group of Table Tennis players for quite a lot of time. I had group sessions and individual sessions with the players. We could see positive results in the performance of almost every player I had worked with except for Neha, though she had tremendous potential she was always an underperformer. I had couple of rounds of discussion with Neha on what was going wrong and what needs to be done but still it was not working. And somewhere deep inside I had this feeling that the main issue is something very different from what we are looking at. But somehow was very difficult to reach to that issue with Neha. So I decided to involve her Coach and her parents to get in to the root cause of the issue. After talking to her parents and coach I got the idea that earlier she was not like this she was very tough player but over the past two three years she has changed a lot on the table and off the table as well. She has become very reserved, she does not meet people, likes to be with herself, extreme mood swings, etc apart from the under and inconsistent performance in the game. Now my focus was to find out what changed two three years back that had such a profound impact on her. 

I asked Neha to meet me after an important tournament which was scheduled in that week. She came after the tournament, “How was your match, Neha?” I asked. “Not very good, Uma this time also won the title.” She said. Uma is her younger sister who also plays Table Tennis but in a level below Neha’s age group. “Great! I got the news yesterday.” I said. “Did you read the article on her in today’s newspaper?”  She asked. “Oh, yes. She has been the unbeatable player for the past two years now……(something clicked in my mind). We are so proud of her.” I said to which she just nodded her head in agreement. “How do you feel about her performance Neha? I asked and very patiently waited for her response. She took a small pause thought something and then said, “Good, I am also proud of her, (now she looking down somewhere) she joined the sport a year after me and now she is performing even better than me. She has the potential, she is better than me…..”. At this point of time I thought that she was not talking to me but she was saying this to herself. That was her ‘Self-talk’. I felt I had strike the cord so without missing the thread and without disturbing her, I asked her in a very soft voice “Does that hurt you?” Suddenly tears started flowing from her eyes. As if she has been holding them for the past two years.  I sat next to her, holding her hand, “Does Uma say anything to you, or your parents compare your performance with hers, or has anybody else  commented on  your performance comparing it with Uma’s?” “I have a very good relation with Uma, we discuss a lot on what needs to be done by both of us to improve our game, my parents have been very supportive, and for the rest of the people they don’t remember that even I play Table Tennis. People read about Uma in the newspaper and congratulate her but nobody even asks me my performance.”

In a typical Indian context it’s an unspoken expectation (though people’s perception has been changing now) that the eldest sibling needs to be more stable, responsible, emotionally mature and should perform better than the younger sibling as the younger one would look up to the elder one as his role model and would strive to reach that level. And if the elder one does not perform better than the younger then that it’s very disgraceful.  Neha was carrying the burden of this expectation which was imposed by nobody else but by herself, and was shaped by this typical way of thinking. She had the fear that if she does not perform better than her younger sister then she is not to be respected, or she is not worthy.  This made her very conscious, restricted her from taking risks in the game and forced her to play safe games. Safe games rarely give you a victory. Thus this affected her game and life and her overall confidence and self worth. On the other hand Uma had no such burden of expectations and therefore she was very free, took calculated risks while playing, never attached her winning or losing with her self-worth and continued improving her game.  

I would not call this as a sibling rivalry at this stage; it was more of an expectation burden. The a few reason that there was no rivalry between the two at that time was that they had the age difference that was not quiet close, they were competing in different age groups and were not directly competing with each other,   parents were supportive and never compared both of them with each other, but yes if proper care is not taken then this type of situation can further turn into a sibling rivalry between the two.

Well with Neha, we had a couple of sessions on how she can look at her performance and at her younger sister’s performance differently and not mix the two. Within a few days we saw a drastic positive change in Neha’s performance and it has continued till date.

This week the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers are playing each other for the Championship of the National Basketball Association. These two teams have played against each other more often than any other combination of professional basketball teams in the final series to become the champions. The Rivalry is intense – not only for the players – but also for the fans. When the Lakers play the Celtics, regardless of what is going on in the world, fans stop and watch every move that players and coaches make in every game until the series is over. For those few hours that a game is played everything feels right with the world. The “right” teams are playing in the contest. Throughout the championship season, fans and players do not just want to defeat the opponent. They want to destroy the opponent. There is an electricity in the two cities that could keep a subway running for the days these two teams are in combat. The impact of winning or losing any one of the games ripples through people’s lives. One winning team for that game will cure the darkest depression and the losing team will sink into despair. Marriages may get healed or become endangered – at least until the next game is played. When the series has been decided and the championship crown is given to one of the teams for the next 12 months, a short lived experience can turn chronic.  A significant trial on anti-depressants or sedatives might be in order. Years ago this idea might have seemed only directed at males. But, the times have changed and now females can be seen close to level of insanity. I wondered what makes for a great sports team rivalry. Here are some of thoughts.

Geography: One of the most obvious factors that can create a sports teams rivalry is how close their home turfs come to each other. This sounds pretty close to close to gang rivalry (“Westside Story) or wars (North v South Korea).  Back in the 1940′s and 1950′s, major league baseball was dominated by the rivalry between the Brooklyn Dodges and New York Yankees. They played against each other during most of the world series played in those two decades. Georgraphically, their home stadiums were so close, the World Series was called the subways series.Now, this factor does not fit with the Celtics/Lakers rivalty. Okay you are saying, there goes the geography factor. But, hold on for a second. There are similarities. They both sit on oceans. Is Cape Cod as beautiful or more so than the Santa Monica beaches? Even though they are 3000 miles apart, the citizenry of Los Angeles and Boston have a geographical debate that is powerful and seemingly insolvable

Fan Demographics: Often the characteristics of a team’s fan is very different from their rivals fans. When you think of the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox you think of very different finances, The New York Yankees fans are thought to be wealthier and more fashionable than the New York Mets fans. Los Angeles Dodgers are known to have lay back, spacey, unemotional fans who refuse to be uncomfortable. While the Dodgers rivals – San Francisco Giants – are thought of as kind weird, intelectual, and edgy. 

An Incident: Sometimes there is a single incident that sets off the rivalry between teams. It could be a fight in a hockey game. It could be a pitcher hitting a batter in base ball followed by a bench clearing brawl. The leg of a team’s quarterback gets broken by a star linebacker of the other team. The rivalry brews for a while due to other factors and then the spark. Jackie Robinson stole home plate in the World Series against the Yankees.

Opportunities to Have Combat: In order for a serious rivalry between teams to develop, the two teams must compete against each other on a regular basis. Since the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox very rarely played against each other – each team was located in a different league than the other. So the only time they could play each other would have been the World Series and that never occured. In the hope of creating a rivalry among teams, baseball initiated inter-league play.

Competition Between Individual Players: There was Phil Rizzuto v Pee Wee Reese and Yogi Berra v Roy Camponella on the New York Yankees and Brooklyn Dodgers; Magic Johnson of the Los Angeles Lakers and Larry Byrd of the Boston Celtics; Brad Park v Bobby Orr of the New York Rangers and the Boston Bruins; there was Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics and Wilt Chamberlain of Los Angeles Lakers and Philadelphia Warriors. Often these competitors played the same position. This way the fans could debate who was better.  

History: In order for two teams to becme true rivals, there must be some significant history of their combat. A hotly contested game does not becme a rivalry. It must go on for years, decades or generations. One factor that has changed the nature of rivalry is that there a great deal of trades and free-agency activity in sports. For example, Roger Clemens played for the Boston Red Sex – the arch enemy of the New York Yankees. Then one day, Roger Clemens was picked up by the rival New York Yankees. At first, the fans didn’t adjust and the rivalry was watered down. But, after a few months, the fans accepted the massive change in personnel, and the rivalry heated up as if the Clemens incident never happened. The most famous swap in personnel between the Yankees and Red Sox occured when Babe Ruth was traded. 

Style of Play: Rivals often have very different styles of play. The Montreal Canadiens were fast skater and quick scorers while the Toronto Maple Leafs were a ruff and tough defensive team. Also, in hockey the Philadelphia Flyers are brawlers and New York Islanders were finessers and intellectuals. The Green Bay Packers of football had a blue collar hard working style while the New York Football Giants were talented pretty guys. In basketball, The New York Knicks of the 1970′s were intellectuals and the Boston Celtics were uneducated.

A Mythological Representation: There was David and Goliath represented by the New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers.

In order for a rivalry to exist and be on going a number of these factors must exist simulaneously. If you have any more factors and examples of team rivalries, the author would love to get it from you readers.

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By Paul Schienberg, PhD

Frank Sulloway and Richard Zweigenhaft studied the evidence of younger brothers willing to take greater risks by stealing bases. They dug through the data base of baseball statistics. In general, it has been postulated that younger siblings take more risks than their older brothers because of the need to fight for food and parental attention. The researchers examined whether this phenomenon might carry over to the point that baseball siblings would try to steal bases at significant different levels.

In fact the results indicated that the younger sibling did try to steal more bases. Over 90% of sibing pairs who played in the major leagues, including Joe and Dom DiMaggio and Cal and Billy Ripken, the more youthful brother (disregarding talent) tried to steal more than the older brother. Another pair of sibings, B.J. and his younger brother Justin a slugger for the Diamondbacks, are actually among the 1 in 10 exceptions B.J. is three years older than Justin and has been more of a speedy leadoff hitter. This position in the batting order is ofen associated with base stealing. B.J. said, “He was always the one who would push things to the limit.” “When Mama told him, ‘Don’t ride your bike their’ he would ride it.” ” When Moma said, ‘Don’t stand on the the bleachers,’ he’d stand up on the bleachers and fall and bust his head open.” This reminds me of my younger brother who would alwayopenly challenge my father’s authority to the point of danger, way beyond my challenges which were much more covert. This is still true today – not challenging my father anymore – but in taking chances in business.

Dr. Sulloway did not exect the findings in his study would have any practical application for baseball managers and general managers in choosing personnel for the team or arranging the order ot the lineup for a particular game. Those baseball decisions would probably continue to be based on players’ skills, not bloodlines. The study does contribute to the understanding of sibling psychology because “it offers evidence of how differences developed in childhood could continue well past puberty.”

 The study looked at 700 players and 300,000 athletic acts. The authors examined how many times each player tried to steal a base per time on base which was measured by singles, doubles, triples, walks and times hit by pitch.

One plausible explanation of the results of the study is that younger brothers got an opportunity to watch their older brothers and learned a lot of baseball strategy in that way.

I would like to hear from the readers of this article, experiences they have had with siblings who played the same sport. The idea for this article came from a New York Times article.

What does it take to turn a team of talented hard workers into unstoppable world beaters?

Pride, patriotism, and above all the aura. You definitely feel the presence or the aura. Opposition teams feel it too. It was Australia’s aura that influenced Savrav Ganguly to bowl first when he won the toss on the morning of the world cup final 2003. His decision was judged harshly and was considered to be one of the reasons for India’s defeat in the final . But, it is inside the team that this aura works its greatest wonders. New comers whatever their skills or status are absorbed. They quickly feed the confidence and solidarity of their team-mates, soon they are performing feats on the field that their mere flesh and bones would suggest are impossible.

Australia won their third world cup final in four. Almost everything that could go wrong for Australia did go wrong:  In January “03 Shane Watson was ruled out with a back injury and was replaced by Symonds; On the morning of Australia’s opening match the Shane Warne drugs scandal broke, he was replaced by Hogg; Two weeks later, Jason Gillespie, who had been nearing his demonic best, limped home, Bichel replaced him; Ponting had already replaced one of the best captains in the world Steve Waugh, when the names of the players for world cup were declared. Steve Waugh had no place in the team.

Still they won brilliantly, stylishly, uncompromisingly. Australia’s played with energy and never say die intensity. This aura cannot be brought, borrowed or copied. It is tied with an intense pride in their cap that no other country possesses. It comes from players’ simple heartfelt patriotism. Their will to win for the people back home who aren’t blessed enough to play for Australia.. It lies in the inspiration they draw from historical figures and events. Other countries can simulate Australia’s academy, fielding drills, and administrative structure. But the things that truly make this team what it is cannot be replicated. They come from the heart.

They have a second type of intellect, even we have it, but we don’t make use of it. The German poet Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe referred to this using the German word “Herzensbilding” which literally means the “education of heart”. Today we call this emotional intelligence. Intellect and emotions are two sides of the same coin, without feelings, there would be no perception, no memory and no thought. And without a direct wire to the human emotions, not even the most powerful electronic brain will be in a position to think intelligently.

Thus Emotions + Positive Thoughts = Emotional Intelligence.

Sports often present us with stressful situations or quarrels in which we find ourselves doing things that we immediately wish we had never done. Strong feelings such as shame, jealousy, and fear can affect our perceptions; often causing us to act before the brain can interfere and make us behave in a more controlled manner.

Competition can bring out the best or the worst in athletes. It is often the competitor with the stronger emotional intelligence who can control his or her mind before and during events, who wins. Positive emotions can help sustain motivation and enable us to approach events with enthusiasm and energy. Negative emotions by contrast are linked to avoidance behavior and withdrawal. Different athletes react differently to the same situation. The one who takes the responsibility to make things happen, emerges to be the winner. The individual must find self-knowledge – the ability to consciously and continuously recognize his or her own thinking process and feelings. You are what you feel and think you are. If you are confused and worried the outcome is most likely to be confused and unsatisfactory. If your thinking is clear and to the point, your brain will give you clear and concise action toward the outcome you desire. Maintaining mental health and emotional composure is not simply the matter of perceiving our own emotions, but also involves the realization that feelings can be controlled.

Intelligence to a certain degree is something we are born with,  skill can be acquired to a certain level, but emotional intelligence or as the meaning suggest education of heart can be learned and improved. Five simple steps of emotional intelligence or the hierarchy of emotional intelligence.

1. Love your game and the team you play for. With love, the most beautiful of all feelings, a relaxed mood prevails. When you are in love with your game, you sometimes attain that rare condition of bliss, in which the brain shuts off all unpleasant feelings and provides the highest energy. When this happens – you feel so strong that you believe you can attain any goal. This love for the game prevents you from getting burnt out; hence you enjoy the game more and more. when you love your team – you believe in each other and support each other, you stand united in any challenge or circumstances. It’s a different feeling and a different game. You float into the so-called seventh heaven, with a relaxed body and mind.

2. Self-confidence: Positive attitude towards self and towards the outcome of the game. It’s important to remain positive in every situation. This can be difficult, given that much of sport dictates that there be a winner as well as loser. However, if you dwell on the negatives and on that looser will occur, are you going to improve any aspect of your game? Probably no. So, choose to be positive, and to see positives and to see positives in your performance. Even the most deflating butt-kicking contains elements of future success. The consequences are that you will be more relaxed, in a better mood, and will most likely learn valuable lessons. Focus on those natural abilities or gifts that are unique to you as an athlete or individual, you will notice that you will feel much more excited about the up-coming competition. Thinking in this manner will put you in a state of mind where you can easily feel confident and can expect to win.

3. Emotional Self Control: Control the controllable. Can you control any of the following things – the playing conditions, the umpire decision, weather, field conditions play of your opponent, a bad bounce, your coach’s reaction, winning the game.  No. But, you try to control it. Hence your start getting nervous, which will leave your muscles too tight to play well. Second your confidence will begin to spiral down. Third, how well you do you think you will play if you are uptight and have no confidence? You guessed it! Not very! Emotional intelligence is the shift in your focus from these uncontrollable factors to the factors that you can control. You cannot control the event, but you can control your reaction to that event. that is what makes the difference. Our performance is a function of not our condition but our response to that condition. Respond positively to any situation and expect positive outcomes.

4. Empathy: Respect and appreciation of others. Emotional intelligence also means being in command of your own feelings, your interest in others and your ability to engage in exchange and co-operation with others. It is to respect and acknowledge other people’s contribution in your success. Give credit to others where it is due. Respect you opponents, competitors for their skills their interest in the game and for their effort to make the game challenging. Similarly respect your social responsibility. Pay back to the society in some way or the other. It’s again a diffent feeling.

5. You versus You: Pushing back the limits. When you reach to this step of emotional intelligence you are not interested in the result of the competition. What you are interested in now is to discover your potentials. Now your competition is not with your opponent, it is with ourself. YOu make records and you break your own records.  You find out new methods, skills and strategies to make the game more and more challenging for yourself. You are not even bothered of where you stand in the ranking because you are much above the competition.  You become world beaters and unstoppable, when you keep on beating your old records and are making the new once. Once you start climbing the hierarchy of emotinal intelligence no negative emotion will be aroused by any situation. Even in a very horrible situation you would still remain positive, confident and successful come out of any condition.

Finally, I end up my paper with a case that explains how Emotinal intelligence can become a competitive advantage and make you a better person. Formula 1 season the then 5 times world champion Michael Schumacher in his scarlet red Ferrari would have never been under such a tremendous pressure any time before. Reason: badly lost 3 opening races of the season; had to switch over to previous year’s car, 4th race on Ferrari’s home turf – Monza; his mother was critically ill and she passed away a couple of hours before the race.

No one expected him to win. A situation of pressure, emotions, sentiments, commitment, devotation, courage and performance put to test. It was a race to win by defating his younger brother on a day when both brothers were in almost the same mental frame. She will be raced with the aggression he never delivered before, never raced with suchvigorto take the chequered flag for first win of 2003 and latter winning the world championship for 6th time now he is 7 times world champion. Still you can see the same passion and love for the game. He has face tough situations many times: his brother’s severe accident in front of his eyes during a race; hiw own car catching fire while re-fueling. But, he overcame all such situations and even won those races. Thus by controlling the uncontrollable you can make miracles happen. He has made many records, earned a lot of money, a lot of respect and affection from his teammates and fans and shares  the same with others. Never ever his post race conference ends without thanking all his mechanics and even the person who cleans up his car and helmet and people who work on shop floor in the factory to build his machine. After achieving so much in the game his answer to the question “what next?” is “I’ll carry on racing for as long as I get that buzz when I am behind the wheels. Pushing back the limits is what makes this game challenging.

With season 2004 completely dominated by him, he races and competes with himself for his love for driving. And still the champion is humble and modest who would always be there to help others. Be it financially $10 million for tsunami victims or working for Dalai Lama for a day in the tea garden.

Emotional Intelligence helps ordinary people in doing extraordinary things.

Credit to Madhuli Kulkarni

Sports Psychologist

www.madhuli.blogspot.com

[audio:http://www.psychedonline.com/mp3/KUBY_3-1.mp3]

My brother, Mark, plays out of the Muttontown Country Club on Long Island. On January 13, of 2007, he and I set out on a journey that would result in him playing as an amateur golfer in the Bob Hope Pro-Am Dessert Classic in Palm Springs. Mark had never played in a golf tournament, let alone one that includes celebrities, professional golfers, press coverage and a national television audience.

I accompanied Mark for a number of reasons: I wanted him to have a fan club: Mark’s birthday is January 19th and we could celebrate it together; and as a publisher/reporter of a sport psychologist magazine, Psyched (www.psychedonline.com) as well as a writer of a column, “Ask Dr. Schienberg”, for Golfing Magazine, I would be able to do some reporting, interviewing and write this story.

A stretch limousine picked us up in Manhattan and we headed towards LaGuardia Airport. In the stretch limo we had our golf bags, suitcases, carry-on pieces and my lap-top computer. It was surreal….like the pro-golfer and his entourage going about their normal lives. We began a trip that had very little to do with life as we new it. We stared out the window, chatted about nothing, and arrived at the airport. We had first class seats on the flights to Chicago and from Chicago to Palm Springs. If you’re going to play with the pros, it is good to get into their experience. Mark needed to believe that he rightfully belonged in the Tournament.

We arrived at our hotel late that afternoon, unpacked, decided to have a quiet dinner at the hotel and try to get some sleep before the first practice round set for the next morning. We didn’t talk about golf that night. Mark didn’t think he would get much sleep. I suggested that if he just got to rest through the night and quiet himself, it would work in his favor. Facing Mark was three days of practice rounds and four rounds of actual tournament play. Each Tournament round would be played on a different golf course: The PGA West, Bermuda Dunes, LaQuinta, and The Classic. The three practice rounds were to be played on there of the courses of the Tournament.

This is a good time to explain how the scoring of this Pro-Am Tournament is constructed. There are three amateurs in each group. The fourth player is a professional. Each group has three amateurs – a high, middle and low handicap player. The three amateurs play together throughout the Tournament rounds and form a team. A different professional is added to the amateur team for each Tournament round.

The first day of practice rounds came and the weather was cool and cloudless. Mark was scheduled to start his first practice round at 9:30 AM. So, we showered, got into our costumes around 7:30 AM, loaded our SUV with his golf bag and got some breakfast at our hotel. We talked about the weather, the beautiful, mountainous surroundings and the opportunity to participate in something so unique. After paying the check, we walked down to the practice driving range next to the course. Mark wanted to find his caddie. As soon as Mark spotted him, I realized that a part of my job was over. It was like turning my responsibility for my younger brother over to someone I could trust. He was in good hands.

I turned my attention to my job as a member of the press covering the event. So, I drove over to the Classic Golf Club, the home of most media activity for the Tournament, got registered and made some good contacts.

Mark and I met up later that day. There was a smile on his face as he exited the golf course. The first practice round was over and he was relieved that he had done as well as he had – not to mention not having embarrassed himself. We talked about the other amateurs that made up his group. Mark had entered the Classic with an 18 handicap. That day he played as well as any of the other amateurs who had lower handicaps. So, he was pleased…very pleased. I was relieved for him.

For your information, in order to be entered as an amateur in the Tournament, you have to have no higher than an eighteen handicap and pay a $5000 entry fee. Mark’s company put up the fee as a gift for his hard work.

The second day was different from the first practice round day. He was much more nervous – the real Tournament was closer. He said, “I want to do well. Yesterday, I just wanted respectability and I got it. Now my team will be expecting the same from me.” The next practice round day went not as well for Mark. The final three holes of the last practice round went very poorly. He was critical of himself. When he gets into that negative mind set, he becomes short with people. The real Tournament was getting closer and closer. The weather had turned nasty and the weather forecast was getting worse. He was in many ways more settled in to the rhythm of a golf day.

His play on the third practice round was somewhere between the first and second day. The bond between Mark the two other amateurs in the group had taken hold. They felt like a team – not just three individual amateurs trying to do their best. The scoring for the team was based on best score for each hole by any of the players in the group. The weight of stress and responsibility was shared by each member. So, they routed for each other. As I watched them walk down the fairways, I could see more smiles, chatter and friendship having a positive effect on their enjoyment and play.

It didn’t seem like a great atmosphere for golf would be present on the first day of real tournament play. But, one of the great things about golf, whether you are an amateur or professional, is that it is played by everyone in the same conditions. No one gets an advantage. The high winds and low temperatures were so uncomfortable at the end of the second round; I hid inside the clubhouse and had myself a hot tea instead of a beer.

An encounter with my new friend Kathleen Bennett (the marketing director of the Classic Club golf tournament) broke the tightness that Mark had fallen into on the first day of Tournament play. It was an hour before his tee off time. She knew the various holes of the Classic Course. So, she started going over them in rapid fire fashion, all the holes and how they could cause different problems…a water hazard here, narrow fairway there…pin placement somewhere else.

You could see the expression on his face changing with every problem that she was laying out for him. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Sure,” he replied. I quickly escorted Mark out to the practice range and turned Mark over to his caddie again. This was good for Mark – to get the round underway by swinging the club on the range and practicing his putting.

So, I went back to the clubhouse to have a cup of coffee. Out of no where Mark appears in the golf shop. I rushed over and asked him, “What’s wrong?” He forgot his belt and needed to buy one. After choosing one, he went out to the driving range again. I went back to my coffee. He ran back into the clubhouse again. What now? He forgot his favorite shoes in the golf shop when he was buying the belt. Thank goodness they were sitting next to the cash register where he put them down while paying for the belt…so much for not being nervous. I wondered what he would have forgotten if he knew he knew he was nervous.

Mark’s practice session at the driving range went very well. He hit some great drives and started to focus mostly on his irons. I went over to the first tee and waited for my brother’s name to be called. It was a half hour later that I heard “On the first tee, representing the Muttontown Country Club from Long Island, New York is Mark Schienberg.” I recognized the name and my eyes shot over to the tee. There was Mark teeing up his drive. I remembered Mark telling me, “I just hope I hit it.”

I may have been more nervous for him than he was for himself. I lapsed into prayer. He hit the ball very well and we both smiled at each other as he headed down the first fairway. I would find out after the round was over that it was Mark’s best drive of the day. It was his iron shots that got him through the round in great stead. Often you don’t know which clubs will be working for you through a round of golf.

The four days of Tournament play was officially underway. He was now going through the real experience. This was very good. By the time this is all over he will know he has been through a significant life event – one he will not be able to forget. He will have learned a lot about himself, golf, playing in a tournament, etc. He is learning to trust in himself – in a way that really matters – by knowing himself under a new circumstance. Don’t short change the situation or yourself by denying the experience of it. It’s a great metaphor for life.

Playing six rounds in six consecutive days, practicing before and after each round and getting good night sleeps between rounds was not easy and often resulted in physical exhaustion. However, what was more difficult was the mental exhaustion. If you are a professional golfer, you may be used to this kind of grind. But, if you are an amateur golfer, you may have never experienced this degree and length of mental focus. As an amateur you may play four rounds in a week at most. There is a need to take some mental and physical time off. But, you can’t – not the way this tournament is set up – day after day – round after round – the focus required is constant – weathering the ups and downs – maintaining focus regardless how the conditions are and how others are playing, etc. Learning how to manage the prolonged mental stress is vital. It is important to take time to practice relaxation techniques as much as you practicing the physical skills of playing golf.

At the end of the third day of tournament play, Mark had transformed himself into a person who walked and talked like a man who belonged in a tournament of this magnitude. I had to leave Palm Springs one day before the end of the last day of play. It was upsetting to not see him finish. But, there were no flights on Sunday and only one flight was available on Saturday. I had to be back in New York and be at my other work by Monday. I was assured that Mark would do fine on the last day even though he was still muttering “I will not do this again.”

Mark’s team of amateur players had been assigned four different professional golfers to play with – a different pro for each day of play. Kirk Triplett filled out the four some on the first day. Wearing a great hat and a big smile, he was as friendly and helpful as any amateur could wish to partner up with. He gave pointers, patted guys on the back and made Mark feel as relaxed as possible. It was great that Triplett was the first pro. In the second round, the amateur group played with Briny Baird. Other than for also wearing a sombrero, he in no way was like Kirk. Briny just played his game with almost no interaction with his amateur playing partners. He wasn’t nasty – just not social – all business.

So, the three amateurs again felt that they were the team. The third and fourth days brought Cameron Beckman and Kevin Sutherland to the group. They were very much like Baird. They were there to win a Tournament and make some dough – not create new friends. Therefore, the last three rounds were not as much fun. It became a more serious experience and the focus was on doing the work of playing in a golf tournament as a team of amateurs, playing against other amateur teams. This was more like the real deal of playing in a professional golf tournament. There was much the guys learned from that as with Kirk – just different learning.

By the way his team had scored 29 under par for the Tournament. They were not far from the winning the trophy for the best amateur team. Very respectable! He had played the same courses with the likes of Phil Michelson, Jeff Sluman, Justin Rose, etc., and held his own. Good for you Mark!!!

When Mark and I met up two days later, his tune had changed. He confessed that “I will do the Tournament again next year.” It was not hard to imagine that when he got back to the Muttontown Country Club on Long Island, he would be striding down the course with a pride that he hadn’t had before. It was great to have shared the ride with him. It brought us even closer than we had experienced before. He was thankful that I had been there and I was happy that he let me share it with him.

Answer by Paul Schienberg, PhD: Well yes. Here is a thought. Trust your clubs! Somewhere inside your neurological system may exist a belief that unless you swing hard, muscle your shots, swing with a lot of club speed through the ball, you will not get the results you fantasize about. Most of us played baseball as a kid…swung the bat from our heels, as hard as we could and watched the baseball fly over the fence. Or, maybe we watched golf on TV and began to believe that swinging like Tiger Woods would get us his results. I’m suggesting that instead of your body working so hard, let the clubs do the work for you. They were designed by people who know how to build a club that would get the ball where it was intended to go. Try the following mantra: let my club take my ball where I want it to go. Whether it is a driver, long or short iron, or sand-wedge, they are designed correctly. Don’t try to make it happen. Be easy with it. Feel the flow of your body and arms – not the speed of their movements. When we don’t trust our clubs, we put too much effort into our swing. It is the appreciation of the ability already built into those clubs that will make it work. The smooth, tender and sensitive relationship to each club that lets them work as they are designed to work. By the way, it is interesting to watch some women play on the same golf course. They are less likely to fall into the mistake of over-swinging. They don’t think of killing the ball, but they often let their club do the job it was built to do. Do not worry. Your mind is attached to your body. It needs to send a belief message to your body that creates a harmonious relationship – not an over-powering one.

Sport Psychologist

May 25, 2007

Question: I was a member of a private golf club on Long Island. Due to personal reasons, I could not renew my membership and now play on public courses. I face a number of issues now while playing golf that has affected my performance. Firstly, there are longer waits between shots. Secondly, I used electric golf carts to get around the public courses. Now, I pull a golf cart. I get more fatigued by the twelfth hole. And finally, I’m playing with people I don’t know. Do you have any suggestions regarding these issues?

Answer: I certainly don’t mean to meddle in your personal affairs. Your question has the “sound” of someone who has taken a shot to the circumstances of life as well as your ego. I will not play armchair psychologist and get into your very personal matters. Often setbacks in one part of our life can have rippling effects on other aspects.

It’s difficult to not take things personally – like “why me?” I want you to hear the answer to this question as helpful. It is, “Why not you?” It happens at one time or another to all of us. Now, I’m sorry to say it is your turn. If you can turn your negative thoughts about public courses into thoughts of positive opportunity, you will enjoy your game again. So, here goes.

There is some pride that comes along with golfers noting, “I play at the (blank) Country Club.” What’s not to like about driving up to a beautiful building, having a valet greet you by your name, and park your car in “your spot.” Then you walk into the country club building, down to the locker room, your shined golf shoes are sitting under your locker, and so on. Your golf bag is set up by the practice tees. I won’t go on. You got the idea. You were living that golf life. Now you are living a different golf life – the public links. I do understand that changes, especially negative ones, can create negative thoughts that will affect all aspects of your game. It will take some adjusting to the new rituals of playing at public links.

You know many important golfers began playing golf on public links. Tiger Woods’ father got his start on a course in Brooklyn…that’s where he got the bug and passed it on to his son. There have also been many important golf tournaments that have been played on public courses – Bethpage most recently. I have been on some very beautiful public golf courses that have great amenities.

Think about this: Who are the people who play on public courses? Those golfers who will do anything to play the game – get up at 5:30 AM on a weekend morning, put their names on a list, slug down coffee to wake up, clean and shine their own clubs, etc. These people love the game and sacrifice a lot to play it. I’m not trying to say the golfers who are members of country clubs don’t love the game. But, they are often drawn as much by the accoutrements of the Country Club as the game. Maybe you can look at the public course players you will meet on the course as purists.

Instead of missing the electric cart, you can focus on the opportunity to walk a course. You are strolling the course (yes, I remember, pulling the cart). You can learn more about how to play that particular course because you will see more of the course. Phil Michelson walks the course when he’s in a tournament. He gets a birds eye view of the type of grass, rolling hills, etc. You will be treating the entire course as you walked the greens at the Country Club.

It helps keep you in better physical condition. Instead of having a large meal right before and/or after you play at the Club, you will actually experience the exercise benefits of having walked about 8,000 yards. By the way, if you are pulling a cart, remember to switch arms.

The better your physical condition, the better you will play.

Again there are often longer waits between shots on public courses. It is true that the rhythm of the game changes when there are long waits. It is very important not to get aggravated. I would do some stretching exercises, practice swings, talk to the fellow golfers (not about the delay), etc.

I hope these ideas make this transition a better one for you and you experience the changes as a gain.

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What is the real story? It is that he was contacted by the Yankee general manager at Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox. What was he doing there? He was thinking of doing his resurrection up there. Also, he was considering his most holy appearance in Houston. So, why did he choose the Bronx to perform this miracle? How does $28,000,000 sound as a very good explanation.

I’m certainly a respectful appreciator of the achievements of Roger Clemens. He has been a magnificent pitcher and deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. But, this latest stunt has cast a darker shadow on his image. He said his good byes and everyone wished him well. He already road into the sunset as a pitcher. Everyone cried their tears. Now he wants baseball fans to be so excited about his return.

As a child I wanted to trust my heroes. When they said something I listened. I looked to them for a moment of truth about how to conduct myself as a man. Say it ain’t so, Roger. When Mattingly said his good byes, he came back as a coach. This was a model for what life is about and how to deal with the existential realities of life. This helps children deal with the stages of development.

When Roger announced that he couldn’t resist rejoining his pals to save the team and give the fans another championship he is disingenuous. His ego could not be so large as his behavior indicates or could it be? Does he really see himself as a savior? He owes his ex-teammates and fans a more honest expression of motivation. What does this do to the morale of a team? What does it do to the kids who have been Roger Clemens fans? I am suggesting Roger is only serving Roger, not his team, his fans or baseball itself.

by Paul Schienberg, PhD